Skits
by ThePuppetMaster7
Summary: Skit's of what me and my brother think should happen. Warning: Lots-o-spoiler's. And random humor. Latest chapter: Trolling Fenris.
1. The beginning

"Soo, you're a blood mage?" Hawke asked.

"Yep." Merrill said.

"So you can summon demon's and stuff?" He continued.

"Oh, no. I never summoned demon's."

"So that mean's your not a blood mage?"

"I guess." She answered.

"Cool..."

...

"Listen Zevran, you are a perfectly resonable man whore, but i'm a lesbian." Marian told the assassin.

He turned his head to Isabela. "Sorry Zev, but i'm a lesbian too." She said.

Zevran: D:

DENIED!

...

Hawke entered the viscount's keep Awesomely.

"Ahh, Hawke. You arrived." The Arishock said.

"Yes i have. Now, where's the vis-" Hawke cut himself off when he noticed the viscount's head rolling down the stairwell. "Ha! It's the viscount's head!" He said. voice sounding amused, as he pick up the head and started making the jaw move as if it was talking.

"Hello. I am viscount DuMURRRRR. I think the qunari are getting out of hand because my son love's them more then he does me! Whaaaaaaa.I am so stupid. Blah blah Hawke go deal with the qunari for me since i'm to scared shitless to do it myself." He said in a monotone voice. Trying not to crack up laughing.

...

"Now to kill the champion." Meradith said.

"Meradith, i thought we were going to arrest the champion." Cullen said, disbelief in his voice.

"I thought i was going to surrender myself." Garret said.

"WHAT!." everyone said in unisen.

"Yes. I was going to surrender myself. And to show you how intent i was in doing so, i made a little dance." He said.

It blew Meradith's MIND!

And then she tryed to kill him.

THE END!

...

"Alright, let's start the joining. Daveth, drink from the cup." Duncan said. Turning to Daveth with the cup.

Daveth stepped forward, taking the cup from Duncan, and drank from it.

He lived.

Duncan said "Oh well, he's dead."

Alistair said, "But he's still breathing..."

Duncan stab's Daveth in the head. "Call me an old bugger will you..." He mumbled under his breath.

That's why Jory WHIMPED OUT.

...

The chantry blew up like firework's.

Both of the Hawke's look at Anders.

And started mindlessly punching him.

PUNCH "WHY DID YOU DO IT?!" Marian Yelled.

PUNCH "WHY DIDINT YOU EVACUATE FIRST!?" Garret yelled.

PUNCH "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!"

PUNCH "HOW COULD YOU STOP MY COOKIE FLOW?!" They paused.

"What?" Marian asked.

"Elthina made great cookie's." He answered.

PUNCH "HE'S RIGHT?! HOW COULD YOU GET RID OF THOSE COOKIE'S?!"

PUNCH "WHY DIDINT YOU DO IT WHEN SEBASTION WAS IN THERE?!" Said person turned his head to look at Garret.

"What...?" Garret said.

...

"And this is Duncan. Camander of the warden's in ferelden." Bryce said.

"Pleasher to meet you, milady." Duncan said.

And in the distance, almost like a whisper, she heard...

(Join The Grey Warden's.)

"Did you guy's hear something?" She asked.

Duncan said, "I dont know what your talking about."

And again, she heard it.

(Join The Grey Warden's.)

Then bryce said, "Go say goodbye to your brother before he leave's."

THE END!

...

**Hope you liked the skit's! I made these with my brother, it's like 1 o clock here argg! anyway's cya!**


	2. Crushing Prison

**These skit's use my brother's male Blood mage Hawke. Bioware own's all the other stuff, I forgot to do that in the first chapter...**

...

"You souless bastard!" Carver said, as he charged at the ogre.

"That kid's gonna get himself KILLED. Better do something about that." Hawke said. Using crushing prison on the ogre as carver stab's the beast through the heart. The ogre fell to the ground dead.

And then Hawke say's, "You lucky bastard."

THE END!

...

The warden take's a pinch of the ash's. The warden then say's, "Let's go."

They are walking down the stair's when the warden hear's a tricaling sound. The warden turn's around to see ogrhen pissing in the urn.

"Dude! Noooooooooooooo!"

Ogrhen turn's around after zipping up his pant's and say's with a moan, "What?"

"That was the Frieken urn of sacred ash's! What were you thinking?!"

Then Ogrhen say's, "You mistoke me for someone that give's a nug's shit."

THE END!

...

"Thank antras- I mean the creator's!"

"Andaran atish' an, Pol." Merrill said.

"No! Not you! Stay back!" He yelled.

Then Merrill said, "Pol, i'm not going to hurt you."

Then Hawke said, "Merrill couldint hurt you if she tryed. At worse she could make frowny face's at you."

Then Pol said, "She'll do worse then that!"

And then he start's running, but CRUSHING PRISON! Pol is stuck in the crushing prison, only bring taped by arcane energy. Hawke go's over there and block's his path.

And then once the crushing prison wore off, Pol started running in the opposite direction from where he was.

And then Hawke yelled out to him, "Your Welcome!"

And that is that...

...

Hawke get's back to his mansion. Walk's into the main hall and see's gamlen arguing with sandle.

"LEANDRA!" Gamlen yelled.

"ENCHANTMENT!" Sandle yelled back.

"What's up?" Hawke asked.

"Is your mother feeling well?" Gamlen asked.

"Why?"

"She didint come by for her weekly visit, is she ill? She is here right?"

"Oh no..." Hawke goes to his desk, grab's out a phylactery, And uses blood magic to teleport to Leandra instantly.

On sight he kneed the stranger in the nut's, and got his knife out of his small cloth's and slit his throght.

Then Leandra said, "Told you so."

Then your like, "Haha, Here Fenris said blood magic would never come in handy. I am so glotting about this."

"And that's how it happened." Everyone went 'Wow'. Except Fenris who was brooding again.

Hawke nudged Fenris and said, "You will never hear the end of this."

THE END!

...

Hawke and his companion's walk out of Merrill's home. "To the hanged man!" Hawke yelled.

Then he saw that bastard Huon. Then he instantly uses CRUSHING PRISON! Nyssa Run's as fast as she can. Then Hawke shouted, "I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

And before he knew it, Varric had already shot Huon. Getting Bianca away, Varric said, "Pint's on Hawke."

Hawke said, "HERE, HERE!" So he got his boot's off Huon's body, and they left for the hanged man.

...

Grace say's, "What do i care for Meradith, the champion die's here."

"EFF YOU!" Hawke say's as he cast's crushing prison on Grace.

Thrask cast's silence on her, and Fenris rip's her heart out.

Thrask is like, "You saved our life's."

"It was her life or all these beautiful people here, i chose her's."

Samson arrive's with Cullen. And then Hawke say's, "I sorted it out, all these people, after the investigation, will be ready to continue there dull life's at the circle again."

"Oh right." Cullen say's, Nodding to Hawke.

THE END!

...

Hawke walk's into Anders clinic. "Ander's, what would you say if i said i had a cat for you?"

"Hawke, you didint!" Anders said.

"Your right! I didint! I just wanted to see how you'ed react."

Anders: D:

And that's why Anders blew up the chantry! Meow!

...

**That's all folk's! See you for chapter three!**


	3. Companion's: DA:O

"You would'int happen to be a mage, would you?" Alistair asked.

"Why?"

"I just like to know my chance's of being turned into a TOAD at any given moment." He replied.

"Soo...Being turned into a toad would ruin you're day?"

"Yes! But good thing your not a mage. Right?"

Looking at the girl, he realized that she was wearing rope's, and had a staff.

"OOhhh..."

"Hi, Duncan!"

"Come back to me when you have found Alistair."

"But i have!" She said. As she put up her hand.

"Crrooak."

THE END!

...

"Who said the wild's were your's?"

"I know them as only one that own's them would." Morrigan said.

"Oh? Really..." The warden started digging through her pack's.

"What are you..?" Alistair started.

"Aha! Here it is!" She said, as she pulled out some piece's of paper. She showed them to Morrigan. "These are contrack's stating that these wild's belong to me!"

"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled.

"What?" Alistair said, taking the paper's from her. "These...Are real! How did you...?"

"Not telling!" She said with a trade mark smirk.

THE END!

...

"Would ya lookie here, boy's."

"Werent we asking about someone by this very discribtion, and everyone said that say hadint seen them?"

"Look's like we were lied to."

"Now, men. You surly don't want to cause trouble. These are obviously more poor soul's, trying to escape the darkspawn." She said.

"HO-LY-SHIT, are you orlesian...:D?" The warden asked.

"Yes, why?" She asked.

"Say 'Shidure'" The mage asked.

"Um...Shidire... Shida... Shit..." She was interupted. All the men that WERE going to attack them were laughing. The warden tryed to say something through burst's of laughter.

"Stop! Stop...I...can't..b-breath...haha..ha..i'm gonna..pee my pant's...haha..." While all the men were laughing, Morrigan used a spell to kill them.

THE END!

...

"The grand cleric locked me in this cage." Sten said.

"Hey! you know what would be nice?" Alexis said.

"No."

"If you came with me."

"But he murdered a family! Even the children!" Leliana protested.

"Lelianna, pick the lock." Alexis said.

"Ok!" Durp. She unlocked the cage.

"And so, i will go with you and in doing so, i will find my atonement." Sten said.

THE END!

...

"You- No, even if your a gray warden, i will still strick you down." Wynne said.

"WYNNE! WHAT'S UP!" Alexis said. And they fistbumbed.

"Hold on, what about the templar's?"

"No worry's, we'll just storm the tower. Easy peasy."

Then they went into the fade, got REALLY bored, woke up, killed the abomanation, met Cullen, And PAWNED uldred!

THE END!

...

They were ambushed, but they knocked out who looked like there leader.

"Uhh, oh, Oh. I thought i would wake up dead. Or not wake up at all, as it seem's."

"OH, MAKER! Its an ELF!" Alexis said exitedly. "Can we keep him?" She said to Alistair.

"What? No!" He said.

"Whhyyyy?"

"Because, in case you havint noticed HE TRYED TO KILL US!"

"Hmm, it seem's the two of you have a perdicament, yes?" The assassin said.

They both looked at him. Alistair with a frown, and Alexis with a big smile. Alistair nudged her and whispered. "Don't you think we should interagate him?"

"Oh, right! But only if we can keep him."

..."Fine..."

"Yay!" She turned to the assassin. "Your coming with us, but only if you can answer some question's."

He agreed and blah blah blah...

THE END!

...

"You know Ogrhen, your the first one that's offered to help me and not the other way around." Alexis said.

"Yeah well, i'm not like most dwerf's."

"O..k..What's that meant to mean?"

"You know."

"Your not coming."

"What?"

"Your not coming to find the anvil."

"Why?"

"Because your..."

THE END!

...

**OMG! IT'S DONE! This took a whole...two hour's? Haha yeah, anyway. Hope you guy's enjoyed. Cya!**


	4. Trolling Fenris

**I should really be working on my stories, but I'm bored. These are made by me, without the help of my brother. I am so proud of myself! Enjoy!**

...

The mysterious elf walked down the stairs of the Alienage, stopping after he had past the human man that was trying to capture said elf. In a blaze of blue light, the elf struck the very heart of the man, killing him where he stands. He turned to look at the two Hawkes, the pirate, the healer and the dwarf.

"I apologize."

"You should!" Garret said, lifting a boot covered foot, the boot covered in blood from the elf killing the man. "These are new boots!"

Fenris: -_-'

THE END!

...

"Welcome! My name is Garret Hawke, and I am here to tell you about the new mansion in hightown, now for sale!" He said, walking through the entry way that was absolutely...

Filthy. The floor was growing mushrooms, the ceiling had holes in it and there were dead bodys all over the floor.

"Now, it may not look like much, but it is a great place to live. And its only 100 SOVEREIGNS!"

Silence.

"Um... 80?"

Silence.

"Eh... 60?"

Silence.

"Hawke," The voice came from the elf entering through the door. "What are you doing?"

"OH! And if you buy this house, for 50 sovereigns, you get this sexy Tevinter elf named Fenris, covered in Lyrium, for free!"

Then a Fangirl hoard came through the door. It wasn't pretty...

THE END!

...

"You think I want something that represents honer and loyalty in Tevinter?!" Fenris said, enraged.

"Ehh... yes?"

"NO!" Fenris said, kicking her out.

"Hey, sis!" Garret said. "Wat'cha doin'?

"I tried to give this to Fenris, but he didn't want it."

"Oh, I can deal with this." Pause game. Inventory. Fenris. Equip Sword of mercy. Exit. "Done!" Just as he said that, a yell could be heard from Fenris' mansion.

Hawke: Troll face. "Trolling Fenris, one sword of mercy at a time."

THE END!"

...

Knock, knock, knock. "Fenris." Knock, knock, knock. "Fenris." Knock, knock, knock. "Fen-" Garret was interrupted as the door flew open.

"What do you want, Hawke?"

"I heard you couldn't read." Garret said, a smile creeping onto his features. "So I got you a book."

Fenris, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU-"

Garret, Troll face.

"Trolling Fenris, one terrible secret gotten from my sister at a time."

THE END!

...

"You can have him."

"WHAT?!"

"Ahh, good." Danarius said. "Here is some payment-" As the coins reached to outstretched palm of Garret's hand, a dagger was stuck in Danarius' gut.

"Thank you, sir!"

"What... just.. happened?" Fenris asked. Then it all came coming back to him. "You stole my kill!"

"And made you think you were going back to Tevinter. You should have seen your face!"

Anders approves +15

Marian disapproves +30

Varric still deciding.

Fenris disapproves +1000000000000000000000000000 0000

"Trolling Fenris, one kill steal at a time!"

THE END!

...

"Fenris hates magic, huh?" Garret whispered to himself. "Hey Anders! Fenris is injured!"

"No I'm-"

STAP

"Yes, yes you are. Anders he needs healing."

"By"

"Magic"

Fenris, "FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUU-"

THE END!

...

**The real end. This is where my ideas came to a close. Hope you enjoyed and had a laugh! Pup out!**


End file.
